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The Long Winters
Still sleepy
I have sleep most of the past few weeks away. I was really sick for a while. But thing I am all healed up. I just ordered the Now It's Overhead album. Its really good. And there is a new Death Cab for Cutie coming out soon. I am looking forward to that.
Lately I have been so confused over life… I have just been putting off answering those questions. I really hate not knowing what is going on. It makes me insane. I heard somethings about Pooh Bear today. The funny thing is I lost respect for my self when I heard it. I don't know why… but I am crazy like that.
Talked to my mums for an hour or so today. Shes really cool. She told me that when she was cleaning out what is left of my room in Elmira, getting ready for the big move in December, she found some of my old books and found out how eclectic I really am. I never really though of myself that way. It makes sense though. It stems from my apathy about current trends. I like the things I like cause I find then interesting, or the give me some feeling. I mean look at how biasest I am when it comes to music. It was a nice talk though. Made me feel a little bit better.

Lately, as I tend to think to much, I have been doing a little research about about Conor Oberst, the mastermind behind Saddle Creek and such bands as Bright Eyes and Commander Venus. This guy, he is just like me…. but he is more intelligent, has a stronger moral standing, and is doing something with he life that I can only dream about doing. His songs all tell stories, the stories of my life. They are sad and happy and mean something. I want to do something that means something. Every thing I do is trite and cheap and a waste of paint. I just want to feel worth something… to someone. I have not felt that way in almost a year now. And I do compare everything in my life now to that of the life I lived when Pooh Bear could still talk to me. I have the feeling that I should no longer do that. Whats the point? I am never going to see her again. Never going to talk to her….

My roomate is going to go see the Wang Gypsy. Thats how I met her. I have not talk to the Wang Gypsy in two months or so. For a brief period in my life, she really helped me. If I could only find a way to thank her.

I know that I bitch a lot, but my only real problem is that I am slightly heartbroken, and confused. If I could just find some steadier footing.