buzzco.org

Homie
Crazy

I am posting this using gnome-blog-poster, so if its all jacked up blame that. Anyway, lets get down to the bitching.

I am going insane. Literally. It started a few months back, and has gotten more and more difficult to handle as the holiday season approaches. I can't sleep at night. I can't concentrated during the day.

I feel like I am being ripped in two, and its no fun whatso ever. Im just going through each day hoping that it does not get to the point where I need to go back to the shrink. My goal is to handle this by myself and try to figure out what it is that is wrong in my life that is making this things in my head so uneasy.

It kinda feels like I am not happy with my life. Like I made a bad choice, that I thought was for the best, and isn't. Problem is I don't know what the choice is. That does not explain the dreams though. I don't really want to talk about them cause they are scary and I am a wuss but they are there, and they are affecting me.

I can kinda guess what I need to do. But what if that just makes things worse? What if this is as good as it gets?

( who doesn't love rhetoric)

So this is my last week of the year here at IBM and its winding down. I have tons of things to finish up before that, and the stress level is rising. Yay.

Last friday cheese finished up his masters at Clarkson. I thought that was pretty cool, but I could not make it up there to see it. Nor could I see dowem's, clarkbw's, Brendan's, or Tim's. I hope that doesn't make me a bad person. And if it does, Fuck you cocksucker, and buy some lemons.

Buzzco OUT